Too much has been going on to post lately. Many people think that the holiday season is the roughest for people to deal with and that it would be the toughested time of year for those of us working on crisis teams. Not so. The "suicide season", as it is sometimes called, starts shortly after the holiday season - oh say February- and just keeps on roaring until who knows when. We have been swamped. And on top of being swamped, we have been understaffed. This has made for a very very busy me. It is not only my blogging that has faltered, but even checking e-mail can be a challenge. That is all for now. I am going to savor this moment of peace while I'm at work and stare blankly out the window...

It's been awhile...

A lot has gone on in the past couple weeks since I last posted - but I can't really say all that much more. So many things that they all run together. We did go to visit our friends T and A in New Haven and went to the Ikea while we were there. That store is just too much. Too much fun. Too many good deals. Too many people. Too big. And it's layout is in a maze - literally, so that once you get started you have to go all the way through. Visit every department. Which makes for spending too much money. I tell you. There are A LOT of things that I want to get from there. But I fear going back because of what I may spend. We got out with spending under $80 - and I think that was really good. But we hadn't planned on spending anything unless we found a table and chairs we liked. We did find several that we liked, but by the time we got to the place where you pick them up, we were too tired and already had several rugs and random things, so we decided we'll just order it online when we really do have the $250 that they will be. My favorite is the rug we got for the baby room. Yes, yes, I know it's early to be planning all of that seeing as we are not even married yet and we've got no intention of getting pregnant before we are. But we have contacted DSS to be trained for being foster parents. And we will likely be all set for that around June - just short term placements before the wedding. But we'll have to be set up to welcome a little one when that happens. So we have the rug and got a matching stuffed dragon and frog prince to go with it. We also got some hangy basket things for clothes, diapers, etc. No big furniture yet. K wanted to buy this crib we saw, but I had to put the brakes on that - seriously, we won't even have our homestudy for another month or so and if we *need* a crib before we take a kid in, then we'll have a couple months to get one! But I kinda think that if we're not set up with a crib, car seat, etc, that DSS will provide it for us! And right now, we need to just concentrate on getting our wedding together and getting a replacement care for K's totaled one. Yeah, we tried the one-car-family thing and it just isn't working... More on that later.
Peace.

Taxes? DONE.

I have spent the last 8 hours falling for the H&R Blockhead sceme again. They suckered me out of $60. Again. I swore I would not fall prey last year and ended up paper-filing. Oh, how the memory is lacking as I grow older. By the time I figured out that I'd fallen prey again I had already sunk about 6 hours into it and didn't have the heart to start over with a *truly* free e-filing service.

Just an average day at work...

As I introduce myself to the client she responds to my hello like this:

Client: By looking around I can see in the ceiling tiles - are giving me hints - little tiny hints, they are all over, there are messages that need to be transmitted (at this point the client grabs her ear, rocks back and forth, and squints her eyes as she apparently tries to listen to the messages being transmitted).

Me: Um, ma'am, how are you feeling today?

Client: Well, I think that Beijing, China is too far to call - it's a secret. I made an error yesterday morning - violated a few secrets - God bless you. God bless everybody. The messages will get transmitted - just trust and with privacy.

Me: Er... Ma'am, do you know why you're here today?

Client: By looking around maybe I can sneak you something that I learned many years before, but privacy is needed. I need to write a necessary clue. They are all over if we just try hard enough. He puts vegetables in his pockets. I'm trained to pass a quiet wink to you - the person who I offended - years ago, I need to gradually get to the point.

Me: Right, of why you are here. Or is there another point?

Client: The greatest thing I ever did was make my second step toward - I need to thank God - Give thanks to a baby, and it's in God's control if my best writing has always been - it may require some privacy - I put a thank-you note to a person who arrived and everything is beginning to fall together. I believe on the way down that - when I wake. I believe under there there's a place I am to put smaller items. If I just write everything down - can't get - I had little miracles. You have to get the clues from the words in the writing. In the ambulance on the way down I was looking all around.

Me: Ok, um, I just have one more question.

Client: I got another hug.

Me: Er, I need to ask you if you feel like you want to hurt yourself or anyone else...

Client: The rest is involved in some hugs - in the writing. Secrets, and clues and clues and hints, but we have to be careful I have to nudge.

Me: Ok, I'll let write what you need to now ok.

Client: I need the privacy. Bless you. Bless you. The star is moving and I know it's her that is in there.

Yeah, then I had to make some sense of what all that meant - aside from being in a psychotic state. I love my job.

Another crazy weekend.

While it has been Monday for the rest of the world, today was my Sunday. Lots of running around and appointments to take care of. Had to arrange with K about getting to them because of the one car situation, and that meant a lot of waiting around and me getting cranky. Unfortunately I let it get to me more than I would have liked. And, well, I was being an pissant. The little details do keep me in line and on time mostly, but perhaps I was spending an inordinate amount of energy on them. It's just that up until a couple of weeks ago when the car was totaled, I did my thing and she did her thing during the day. And now, neither one of us can do our things without the other being abreast of the situation so we don't double book ourselves. We can make this one car thing work out, but it is taking a long time to get used to. In the meantime, if the universe wants to grant us with another car, well, we are open to receiving it!!! And, no, no, we certainly do not need, or for that matter even want a Ferrari, but a nice reliable vehicle would be nice!

So anyway, while we were in town we had a spat over nothing really. We've both been a little touchy. Well, we pulled up our bootstraps and went to window shop while waiting for the next appointment. Then K got this gleam in her eye, took my hand, and escorted me to get a spur of the moment massage! Oh! How I needed that!! This girl is a keeper. I have been quite content since then.

I'm doing better now :)

Yesterday was another rough day, but I continued my strike in the evening and did absolutely nothing until this morning. My back was twitchy yesterday on top of my unfortunate mood, so when I got home I laid down and read, then napped, got up and had crackers and cheese for dinner while watching Law and Order SVU. Crime shows often make me feel better.

This morning I got up and went to the gym. Took it easy so I wouldn't do any disservice to the back. I was still a bit on the cranky side when I arrived, but by the time I left I was doing better. I got two loads of laundry done before work and the dishes put away. I think part of why I was feeling so off the last couple of days was that the house was in a bit of a shambles. K put together a new wardrobe - which is FANTASTIC, but the room that it's in was out of commission and that is the same room where we have to hang the laundry up to dry.

Anyways, while I might be up to my eyeballs in laundry for the next couple of days, I things appear to be looking up.

Frazzled.

I woke up this morning feeling the same way I did when I got home from work Saturday afternoon. Overwhelmed, overworked, and just frazzled. I'm sure the neigbhors music blaring through the ceiling did not help. I went up and told them to please not play that stuff before 9am - ever. She looked shocked that I could hear it. And then she gave me some excuse that there were salespeople knocking on her door and that is why she turned it up - so that they would go away. Um. Likely story. We've never had sales people at our door, much less at 7am. So I came back down, fed the cats (they were very grateful. I love my cats), and just as I'm getting my morning cup of coffee the phone rings - now remember this is still before 8 in the morning. Could I please work the 3-11 shift as they had two call-outs today? What!?! After last week!!! Well thankfully I am getting my eyes dialated this afternoon. I've never been so happy to have my eyes dialated. It is a terribly unpleasant experience. I told him - my boss that is - that I wouldn't be available until at least 8pm because of the dialation and some other appointments. We are going to buy my dress -very exciting. And very important. I also told him that last week really did me in (he was out for the last half of the week) and that it would be really good if he could find some other way to go about covering the shift. He said he would try, but that even 8 to 11 would be helpful if he couldn't. Damn, but I wish they would hire another full time staff.

Ok, I'm in the process of gaining perspective. I have taken a shower. That helps. I talked to a friend. That helps a lot! And she's probably coming over for her lunch break (Yay!!!) I will go meditate now, and perhaps clean up a touch before she comes over.

Some days I just don't want to go back

To work, that is.

I'm feelin somewhat better now, but earlier today I was feeling like I wanted to throw in the towel completely. I don't even know where to begin. The evals I did this week were just brutal. Not all of them were tragic in the usual kind of way - suicidal people, etc., but I just couldn't leave them at work. Aie! I was dreaming about them! It seemed like they were following me home, 'cuz I just couldn't shake 'em. Breifly. And very briefly because I do need to let this stuff go for the weekend: 4 evals with situations that I couldn't help as much as I felt like I needed to because of bureaucracy within the system, or just not enough resources and funding, 2 of these evals got dragged over a matter of days because I really wanted to help and was looking for alternative ways to do it, and then as if that wasn't enough this morning I got a call from a woman who had already overdosed. You know, just calling to let me know that she'd taken a lethal dose and what was I going to do about it. Hmph. I guess I can usually take calls like that without getting too frazzled, but this just put me over. My usual calm and collected self that I maintain with suicidal clients went out the door. I'm sure I sounded like a crazy woman myself when I was on the line with the police and the ambulance.

I did manage to keep it together pretty much for the rest of the shift, but when I got home I collapsed on the bed and did not move for about an hour. K brought me a Blueberry beer. I cuddled with the cats. I called my mom and dad. We spent the rest of the night at Home Depot getting together some shelving for a project K is working on and went out to dinner. I feel better now. So I'll probably go back. Ok, so I know I'll go back. I've come a long way on this road and I'll just keep on truckin along.


And I'm sure that I'll feel even better after this weekend!

Zzzzzz.

Boy do I have stories to tell! But not tonight. I've just gotten off of an unplanned 12 hour shift. Lots of stories indeed. I need to sleep now. Am supposed to go to the gym at 6:30am. Hmm. Well, I'll do my best. And I WILL get off on time tomorrow. Planning on taking my girl out to a restaurant she's been wanting to check out for the anniversary.

Be well.

Goodnight.

And then there's what I actually did...

Right then, so the day was productive, but I did not even start the taxes. Instead I did this:

1. Blogged, surfed, and chatted for a goodly amount of time over coffee and then a cup of tea. I suppose I do deserve to laze about on my day off for at least some of the time.
2. Washed K's coat. It was still in the laundry since the airbag incident and she is refusing to wear it - instead opting for a Spring jacket - even though it's barely ZERO outside.
3. Tidied the living and dining rooms. Certainly can't organize my finances unless my surroundings are organized.
4. K came home for lunch - Yeah! Chatted and had a bite.
5. Hung up K's coat and put in new load of laundry. I've got to do something that I said I would today!
6. Cleaned up the kitchen. Who can do anything before you can see the counter!
7. Organized desk. Again, how can I possibly know what bills to pay unless I'm organized.
8. Balanced checkbook. I need to know how much I can pay to who.
9. Paid bills.
10. Called Wells Fargo to change address.
11. Called Verizon to find out that they still don't have my account straightened out to before-move status.
12. Reformatted bill paying chart. Um, don't ask. It just makes me feel better.
13. Hung up laundry to dry.
14. Laid down to rest my achin' back and read an Alice Walker short story.
15. K returned from work: snuggle, chat, discuss dinner options, eat bread and cheese, took nap.
16. Made potato Leek Soup and just ate a bowl of it while watching "Medium".
17. Now I'm off to pack up the rest of the soup for lunches and then to bed :)

Here I am. Woke up and had breakfast with K, but then she went off to work and my normally very busy and hectic Monday day off finds me sitting here alone. I will get used to this, but I am not used to it yet. One car means that I need to make the usual appointments and shopping for chores that I do on Mondays at other times when the car is available, ie. before work, after work, and usually with K. I always knew I was a very independently minded person, but WoW! I am *really* disliking having to depend on K for getting me to work on time and having to coordinate our schedules so that I can go to appointment or just do mindless stuff. Sometimes very important mindless stuff, mind you, like shopping for our anniversary, which happens to be this Friday. Usually I would just take myself out shopping with some vague ideas of what I want to get for her and end up finding something. But now I really have to put some thought into it. First, I need to know exactly what I want to get her, then I need to know where to get it, and finally, I need to be able to arrange to go and pick it up - without her - without causing suspicion. Eeeek. Think. Think. Think.Eventually, I will learn to enjoy this time home alone. It will allow me to do some of the things around the house that I never seem to have time to do (bills, small repairs, organize file cabinet, plan wedding, paint, etc, etc, etc). I will now go and assess the situation...

Ok. Things to do today:

1. Wash a load of laundry.
2. Pay bills.
3. Clean up random glasses and mess from housewarming yesterday.
4. Hang load of laundry to dry.
5. Wash another load of laundry.
6. Wash dishes.
7. Wipe down counter and stove.
8. Clean litter box *uhg*
9. Spontaneously manifest a clothes dryer in our basement.
10. Ok, fine, hang laundry to dry.
11. Motivate myself to do pilates.
12. Do pilates.
13. Take a much needed shower.
14. Call various hotels to see about reserving a block for wedding.
15. Fix a cup of tea and wait for my honey to come home while reading another short story by Alice Walker.

Or I could:

1. Pay bills.
2. Do Taxes.
3. Continue doing taxes.
4. Keep trying to figure out damn taxes.
5. Vent to K when she gets home about those Godforsaken taxes.
6. Go to the gym with K and work off frustration.
7. Come home and finish taxes.

Well. The bills and taxes do need to be done. But, wouldn't it be nice to get all that other stuff done...

The Murder of Crows

So I'm getting off work the other night just as dusk was setting. I parked in the lot across the street so I had a bit of a stroll to get to the car. Now, I must tell you, there is this phenomenon that happens where I work: At dusk about 500 to 1200 crows swarm over the building where I work. The entire sky becomes dotted their swooping back and forth. Now, normally I am awed by this freakish happening, but as I was walking across the open parking lot, I noted the insane number of crows circling above me and became somewhat alarmed (understatement). My first reaction was still, wow, but that was quickly followed by, ut oh!

The sheer panic that I felt as my ears tuned into the very distinct SPLAT!...SPLAT!...SPLAT! splat! SPLAT! splatSPLat!splAT! AAAAAGH!!! Ok, just what do you do when you are targeted to be bird-bombed by 500+ crows!!! Which way does one go!!!?!?! What do you do?!?!?! Run? Dance? Freeze? I couldn't exactly duck for cover in an open parking lot! I held my breath (as if that would do any good) and ran to the car with my shoulders up by my ears - you know just in case one got me, then at least I wouldn't have to feel it in my ear!!

Somehow I made it through without being unpleasantly splattered, but the car I'm borrowing for the week was not so lucky. It has been riddled with brightly colored bird bullets. I think it will live. But if it dies in my care, I will blame the murder of crows. You know that's what they call it - not a flock, not a gaggle, but a murder.

I saw a post on a message board, by thenostromo, that also cited James Lipton's "An Exaltation of Larks" as devoted to the numerous appellations for a grouping of animals, many of which originated as hunters' terms and have been in the language for centuries. Here's a gleaning from his book:
A covey of partridges
A murder of crows
A rafter of turkeys
A brood of hens
A fall of woodcocks
A dule of doves
A wedge of swans
A party of jays
A company of parrots
A colony of penguins
A cover of coots
A sord of mallards
A dissimulation of birds
A peep of chickens
A pitying of turtledoves
A paddling of ducks [on the water]
A siege of herons
A charm of finches
A skein of geese [in flight]
A tidings of magpies
A cast of hawks
A deceit of lapwings
An ostentation of peacocks
A bouquet of pheasants
A congregation of plovers
An unkindness of ravens
A building of rooks
A host of sparrows
A descent of woodpeckers
A mustering of storks
A flight of swallows
A watch of nightingales
A murmuration of starlings
A spring of teal
A parliament of owls
An exaltation of larks

Oh tired tired tired.

Almost to bed, but a quick note before I go. After the whole dillema of how we are getting the invites, etc. out, we are making them ourselves afterall. The high prices I had figured out for making them were based on some very expensive paper we had found. We - well, K - ended up finding a much better deal, so she bought all of the supplies we would need yesterday. I was still cringing today because I didn't think it would really save us that much money and we are rather short on time these days. But after breaking through our little miscommunication K let me in on the secret that everything she bought only cost $25!!! That is great! Her parents let us use their very nice printer, and we were able to borrow a paper cutter, so really it is a much better deal to go the way we are now. And guess what - I think I'm going to like them a lot! I get to have my eyelets/rivets/gromits or whatever you want to call them and she gets to have her velum. We compromised and took some new pictures, so we are both more pleased than we were with the original one. They will look good. I will go to sleep now because I have plenty of gromit pounding to do tomorrow.

Wow!

I am so impressed with myself right now. It is before 9am and I have been to the gym, showered, dressed, put away the drainer of dishes, put away the laundry, started another load and I am now enjoying a cup of coffee while I post. I'm usually just rolling out of bed by now, but I started a very early morning aerobics/lifting class. I was debating dropping it because, well, it is at the ungodly hour of 6:30am, which of course means I've got to be up at 6am. And that, my friend, is earlier than I have been accustomed to since the insanity days of crew. Lately I've gotten quite comfortable rolling out of bed at 8:30 or 9am, which still gives me a good hour before I have to be at work, but Wow! I've gotten so much done this morning and if feels good to be accomplished this early in the day. I will also keep that class because now with being a one-car family, I'd like to make sure that I do actually get to the gym at least the three times a week that the class is scheduled.

Last night K and I actually went to the gym together! Getting myself to the gym is one thing, but getting K to go to the gym, well, that is miraculous! Afterwards, she took me to the pub for burgers and beer. That was something - both of us still sweaty, in our gym clothes, and just at tad self conscious about being in public with our appearance as such - but it was delicious, and it was a lovely Valentine's Day dinner because it was all about us!

Toxic Update

"Everyone has their impression of the big comfy pillow. Then this air bag comes out and whacks them in the face." ~ Alan German, chief of accident investigations at Transport Canada, from this article.

Long story short: It wasn't me who got in the car accident, but K. She is mostly fine - I mean no blood or hospitals were involved, but the air bag went off and from it she has a chemical burn on her lip, a rash on her cheeks and chin, as well as a bruise on her chin. Her nose got it pretty good too, but no bruise there, just very tender. K was very freaked out about all the smoke and dust that came out of the air bag after it popped - she likened it to breathing Napalm. When she tried to catch her breath after it happened she couldn't breathe and started sputtering and coughing because of all the stuff in the air.

With all of these symptoms, I did a little research. When I first looked into it everything I found seemed to be telling me that there was nothing to worry about, nothing but cornstarch, completely safe. K was skeptical. The stuff was not white, but black. Ever heard of black cornstarch? Yeah, me either. Then I found a government website on how rescue workers should handle deployed air bags ("Wearing gloves and eye protection -Keeping the dust away from the patient's eyes and wounds -Removing gloves and washing hands after exposure to the dust") because there could be sodium hydroxide present. And that, my friends, is otherwise known as LYE. You know, that toxic substance known to cause chemical burns, blindness, and such. In my line of work, people who have tried to kill themselve with the stuff usually end up jumping off bridges because it's just too painful. For a breakdown of what exactly this stuff does check The Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry. Hmmm, so much for completely harmless.

It wasn't her fault - the accident. The other woman pulled out in front of her and ended up getting a citation for something like obstruction of throughway traffic. So in the very likely scenario that K's car will be totaled (at more than a thousand bucks a pop - pun intended - the cost of replacing the two air bags will be more than what the Blue Book value is, and that's not including front end damage), she may at least get a sizable check, if not enough to replace the car. And because she was on the job when it happened either the insurance or workman's comp will likely pay for the chiropractor that she may need with her back now more sore than it's been in quite awhile. Meanwhile, we will have to do some very fancy footwork to get us both to our various appointments on time this week. Having a one car family takes advance notice for coordination of schedules, so this week's appointments will either be rescheduled or take a great effort to get to, and hopefully not missed or late .

Did you know that airbags are filled with toxic dust?

Yeah, well I didn't either until today... We may have just been reduced to a one car family.

More to come on this topic when not so tired/worn out/tight on time.

Ever want to be on ER?

Usually work is work, and even though I spent much of my time in the ER it is very unlike the show. Today, however, work today was a bit excessive. I only saw one client myself, but the ER was at full capacity, with five of the clients being there for mental health reasons. Yes folks, it was once again one of those days when we had more clients than we have clinicians, but this time the ER staff was breathing down our necks because they were full with medical situations - no, no, no big drama like gunshot wounds or cardiac arrests today, but you wouldn't know it with the urgency that the nursing staff and doctors were bustling about and telling us to"This woman needs to get upstairs right now! We just don't have room for her down here." I remained calm though. That's my job after all, isn't it? To stay calm in the midst of chaos. So I tell the woman, "When I've had a chance to read the chart, I will evaluate her and only then can I make the determination if she is appropriate to go upstairs [this is the psych ward by the way]. If she is appropriate, I will do my best to get her a placement as quickly as I can. A pre-approval has already been made if she is appropriate, but even then the evaluation [ten pages] still needs to be typed up before they will actually take her upstairs as you know." The woman - I believe she was the charge nurse - looked at me scornfully and muttered that "If we don't clear some of these bays we're going to have to go into diversion!" She then turned to get on someone else's case.

You know, there is only so much I can do. I'm going to be as calm as I can in the process, but when people are yelling at me to do my job faster than I am capable - or for that matter, tell me to bypass what my responsibilities are, well it gets me a little irritated. And I guess that's still where I am. More tired than irritated really, but tired never helps irritated. It is now several hours after the incident, but I am still just beat from it. The client, by the way, did go upstairs. And I'm fairly proud to say that she was out of the over-packed ER within the hour - record time with someone who needs hospitalization.

Once again, a demonstration of our Prez's capabilities...

Do check out Ardist's comment on the Prez and the Post It.

Trying to avoid becoming a candidate for such an ad:

I haven't posted in awhile because work has been a little to hectic and at home we've been trying to figure out Save the Dates and other wedding planning.

THIS VERY DETAILED SECTION IS FOR MOM (others are welcome to read, all are welcome to respond)
We had planned on making our Save the Dates and Invitations, but I'm not sure that will actually save us money. We went to a craft store last night and came up with a lovely combination of papers to make them all, but each sheet of paper is between 79 and 99 cents (um, how so you get the cent sign?). That is probably fine when considering the Save the Dates because we would be able to get three notes out per sheet of paper (the actual size would be 1/6th of a sheet, but we really like the translucent vellum overlay, so it would really equal 6 notes per 2 sheets, ie, 3 notes per card - wow, I guess I can get a little technical at times). Anyway, anyway, by the time we add it up, what with the paper, grommitty eyelet thingies, ribbon, envelopes, inevitable printer cartridge replacements, and TIME, well $425 isn't looking that bad for the invites I saw through David's. Now we this isn't what we had in mind, and will probably go through our good friend of ours who has just started up a printing business, but this at least give us an idea of how much it will cost - and that is with the Save the Dates, the Invitations w/inner and outer envelopes, Response Cards w/envelopes, a Reception Card, and a Details card. When I go back to making our own, without the cost of the ribbon, eyelets, or TIME and SANITY, and making a very conservative estimate on how much paper we would need, it comes out to - OH! $430!! Anyways, we will be giving Rachel a call shortly and seeing what she can do for us.

BACK TO THE REGULAR VIEWING AUDIENCE
Invitations aside, we did pin down our photographer. Drove all the way out to Wrentham and met him today. He is so nice, but most importantly, he does FANTASTIC work, and we could really tell that he cares about making the event as stress-free as possible. Also, he sets up a website that all of our guest can access and order their own prints, and where we can design our album if we find some way to - hopefully - afford to get an album! I also sent out an e-mail to the woman we want to be our officiant. She has been very outspoken about supporting gays and lesbians in our right to marriage, and has even written an article on the subject. If you have any questions about why we'd want the right to marry - thank God we live in the one state that recognizes us - the article is a quick and informative read.

Even with getting all of this done we are WAY behind schedule! Reception site, florist, list for maids of honor, hotel rooms, save the dates, ordering my gown, figure out where we'll do our hair, and register.... that is so not all of what we need to do RIGHT NOW!!! Aaaaaagh!

Our Landlords are Rockstars.

Five days ago I posted about how we live in a house of noise and that I was completely fed up with the banging and clanging of pipes and my absolute frustration at not getting a proper night's sleep because of it. Three days ago I send our rent check off with a note telling them about the pipes. And just two days later, yes folks, One Day ago, that's only a day's response time when you account for mail delivery, the landlords send over a heating repair guy who fixed the pipes!!! I have never had a landlord respond so quickly to a problem unless said problem was going to directly cost them money or damage to human life! And then, then, they called us later in the evening to thank us for telling them about the problem so they could fix it! Not only that, but they said to take some money off of our next rent check for putting in a door closer that I picked up - even though I stupidly lost the receipt! This almost makes up for not having closet!