More photos

Here's more from the wedding:

Again, not in order - in fact the photo of the L-O-V-E banners is from the rehearsal - but, hey, at least you can see how wonderful they are! K's sister is the one standing next to the cake - she's the baker, and a lovely and talented one at that. You can see H demonstrating the fantastic dancing that was had. My favorites are the one is us walking off into the rainshine. And the next favorite is us trying to avoid a full out cake war.

It was wonderful, and over way to quickly!

So, I feel obligated to tell you how it all went down before moving onto our new adventure. Don't worry, that will come soon enough. In the meantime, I think it would be good to revel in the wedding and newlywed bliss for a moment :) Rather than going into long explainations, as I'm tempted to do, I think a bunch of pics will be better.
Apparently, though, I am only allowed to post 5 pictures at a time... So thes are a few snippits, not in order, mind you, but it gives you the gist of the good times. I'm the one with the Tiara, K's the gorgeous blond. And that's my dad I'm dancing with. More to come, but perhaps I'll mix it up with the new happenings - we'll see. For now I need to wrap it up and get off to sleep.

We did it!

We got married! It was so beautiful, I can not even explain how wonderful it was. Even though it rained, I still can't imagine anything more perfect. K was so beautiful and so many of our friends and family were there. I still get all dreamy-eyed just remembering it.

Right now, though, we are on our honeymoon and I really must get back to K who is up in our room. We were reserved for the cabin - very private and seperate from the main inn, but we switched to a room in the main inn. I must say, we are in the lap of luxury. In-room spa and fireplace. Canapy bed. Season three of the L Word. Life is good. And now I will leave you and get back to it!

My prophesy was true!

It has been a much better week! While I have worked a total of 7 hours overtime and my week is only half over, I have also received many compliments!!! I love when the tides turn! Today I got a call from an 83 year old woman who just wanted to tell me what a wonderful job I did with getting her husband into a good hospital when he needed it. She is just the cutest little thing. I spent 4 hours after my shift on Tuesday trying to get this guy a placement and it was very challenging, but she was such a joy to talk to - even when I needed to comfort her because he will likely not come home, that I really wanted to do the best that I could. She took my name down and had me spell it out for her, and then said she'd contact my boss to make sure the praises get to the right place!

Later, I was on the phone with the owner of a nursing home and she wanted one of the residents to get a respite bed because the lady was becoming quite aggressive at the home. Well, that doesn't exactly sound like a respite admit to me, but if it really was only that there have been a lot of environmental changes lately, it could work. Still, I wanted to make sure that she got the lady checked out medically, to rule out a UTI - UTI's are one of the main causes for changes in mental status in elderly people - before we go ahead and do a crisis evaluation. Really it's just being thorough (and making sure we don't admit someone psychiatrically when it is really a medical problem), but she called later and left a very long message with a co-worker about what a thorough job I did in making sure that this woman got the right care.

And finally, when I was at the ER tonight at 9pm, after a very long day in trying to find a placement for a woman who'd been there since 11am, I mentioned that I was supposed to have gone home 3 hours ago. So one of the nurses says to me, "you deserve to be paid more!" And I said, "Well, yes, I certainly do!" And then she takes out a Chucks (it's like a diaper except it lays flat on the bed below the person) and writes on it: "Dear J-'s Boss, J- deserves to be paid much more because she works her butt off for us nut-cases in the ER all the time! Much Love, C-- ox" Yeah!!

On my way to a much better week.

My client did not insult me today. YEAH!!! No really, this is cause for a real celebration! You see not only is she 12 and have quite the propensity for throwing insults (you'd think it was her job), but having the week start without an insult from her surely means that this week will be fantastic. It's gotta be better than last week, when the only day free of being insulted was Friday. Monday it was the above 12 year old. I didn't think much of it, after all she thinks it's her job. Tuesday my other outpatient kid's mother basically called me incompetent. That I remember quite clearly, you see because she didn't come right out and say it, she said that she thought someone a little older that me would be better equipped to help her daughter make progress. See the only progress this mother acknowledges is whether or not her daughter is talking to her. Not that I wouldn't normally see that as progress, but under the circumstances, I'm really thinking that maybe this kid is better off keeping her distance. The woman is rather - well, venomous. And I held that opinion long before the incident on Tuesday. Now I know that the kid is making progress: she hasn't been hospitalized, or cut herself, and her panic attacks have all but vanished since she's been seeing me. But still, I think it would have been easier if she just came out and insulted me instead of trying to make some sort of euphemism out of her degrading comments. Perhaps she thinks me younger than I am (I'm older than her boyfriend, after all), but it took me some time to figure out that she wasn't just noting my supposed youthful appearance. Anyways, Wednesday brought about more joy (said with sarcasm), for I had the pleasure of talking to a classic anti-social personality disordered client on the phone. Midway through the conversation he says to me, "you must be Black." No, normally, this wouldn't phase me, and I certainly wouldn't consider it an insult, but just the tone of his voice told me that it was supposed to be meant as a supreme insult. Now this is a situation where I am not going to either confirm or deny my supposed race to him. It just wouldn't help the situation. He went on to say that he'd never hear of a name like mine on a White woman, so that was his reasoning, and that he didn't have anything against Black people, but they all hated him and besides they all think they are better than him with all of their "Black Power b*llsh*t." That was just the beginning of it, but you get the gist. Now I did question him about his assumptions and blanket statements, but I still felt at ill ease about any effectiveness that I had. Thursday I had a client, who is normally a very sweet guy, do a 180 on me and suddenly start telling me that I was lying to him, that he hoped that I had a stressful life, and that it would be better if I just went away to die. Why the 180? No idea. All I was trying to do was fullfill his request. I told him I just had to verify everything with the supervisor, as I have to do with every client and in every situation, and he went from nice guy to Mr. Insults. Friday. Blessed Friday. No insults from anyone. One paranoid guy who'd gone off his meds, but he was grateful to be seen, even if suspicious of my questions. And then there was Saturday. The icing on the cake of insults. Drunk girl, hurling pejorative words at me. I won't even go into it. I'm glad that week is over. And I'm very glad that this week is going to be a much, much better one!

And then there are calls like this:

Not even 5 minutes after my last post a call came in and the woman, who sounded drunk, or otherwise impaired, said that she was out of her Ritalin for her Bipolar Disorder (impossible, you don't get prescribed Ritalin for Bipolar, probably med-seeking) and that she couldn't cope without it. I try to get her name and see if she'll come into be seen. She refuses. She tells me that she might as well just kill herself and be done with it. She says she's going to go and hang herself. She hangs up on me. I call the police. They try to trace the call, and think they may know who it is - but it was a cell phone, so she could be anywhere. They are sending a couple cars out. I call the supervisor. He says I did everything I can do.

Just another day at crisis I suppose. You never know what you're going to get.

It all seems to be going so fast these days. Just over a month to the wedding, and so much yet to do. In one sense time seems to be spinning out of control, and in another it isn't going fast enough.

Work keeps on ticking by. What does it say when other people's crises become run of the mill for you. When you no longer even raise an eyebrow when someone says they want to kill themselves, or someone else, because their children were taken, they were abused, their wife is cheating on them, they lost their, job, house, spouse, etc. In a sense it is good. I can get right down to the matter at hand (how can we help this person), rather than getting caught up in my own shock or dismay, but it also seems that perhaps I am not able to muster the same sense of empathy that I was when I began working here.

It's time for a change. But so many changes are happening now that to instigate any more would be foolish. Yet, wouldn't it be nice to be enlivened by my work, rather than worn down and jaded by it?

Too much has been going on to post lately. Many people think that the holiday season is the roughest for people to deal with and that it would be the toughested time of year for those of us working on crisis teams. Not so. The "suicide season", as it is sometimes called, starts shortly after the holiday season - oh say February- and just keeps on roaring until who knows when. We have been swamped. And on top of being swamped, we have been understaffed. This has made for a very very busy me. It is not only my blogging that has faltered, but even checking e-mail can be a challenge. That is all for now. I am going to savor this moment of peace while I'm at work and stare blankly out the window...

It's been awhile...

A lot has gone on in the past couple weeks since I last posted - but I can't really say all that much more. So many things that they all run together. We did go to visit our friends T and A in New Haven and went to the Ikea while we were there. That store is just too much. Too much fun. Too many good deals. Too many people. Too big. And it's layout is in a maze - literally, so that once you get started you have to go all the way through. Visit every department. Which makes for spending too much money. I tell you. There are A LOT of things that I want to get from there. But I fear going back because of what I may spend. We got out with spending under $80 - and I think that was really good. But we hadn't planned on spending anything unless we found a table and chairs we liked. We did find several that we liked, but by the time we got to the place where you pick them up, we were too tired and already had several rugs and random things, so we decided we'll just order it online when we really do have the $250 that they will be. My favorite is the rug we got for the baby room. Yes, yes, I know it's early to be planning all of that seeing as we are not even married yet and we've got no intention of getting pregnant before we are. But we have contacted DSS to be trained for being foster parents. And we will likely be all set for that around June - just short term placements before the wedding. But we'll have to be set up to welcome a little one when that happens. So we have the rug and got a matching stuffed dragon and frog prince to go with it. We also got some hangy basket things for clothes, diapers, etc. No big furniture yet. K wanted to buy this crib we saw, but I had to put the brakes on that - seriously, we won't even have our homestudy for another month or so and if we *need* a crib before we take a kid in, then we'll have a couple months to get one! But I kinda think that if we're not set up with a crib, car seat, etc, that DSS will provide it for us! And right now, we need to just concentrate on getting our wedding together and getting a replacement care for K's totaled one. Yeah, we tried the one-car-family thing and it just isn't working... More on that later.
Peace.

Taxes? DONE.

I have spent the last 8 hours falling for the H&R Blockhead sceme again. They suckered me out of $60. Again. I swore I would not fall prey last year and ended up paper-filing. Oh, how the memory is lacking as I grow older. By the time I figured out that I'd fallen prey again I had already sunk about 6 hours into it and didn't have the heart to start over with a *truly* free e-filing service.

Just an average day at work...

As I introduce myself to the client she responds to my hello like this:

Client: By looking around I can see in the ceiling tiles - are giving me hints - little tiny hints, they are all over, there are messages that need to be transmitted (at this point the client grabs her ear, rocks back and forth, and squints her eyes as she apparently tries to listen to the messages being transmitted).

Me: Um, ma'am, how are you feeling today?

Client: Well, I think that Beijing, China is too far to call - it's a secret. I made an error yesterday morning - violated a few secrets - God bless you. God bless everybody. The messages will get transmitted - just trust and with privacy.

Me: Er... Ma'am, do you know why you're here today?

Client: By looking around maybe I can sneak you something that I learned many years before, but privacy is needed. I need to write a necessary clue. They are all over if we just try hard enough. He puts vegetables in his pockets. I'm trained to pass a quiet wink to you - the person who I offended - years ago, I need to gradually get to the point.

Me: Right, of why you are here. Or is there another point?

Client: The greatest thing I ever did was make my second step toward - I need to thank God - Give thanks to a baby, and it's in God's control if my best writing has always been - it may require some privacy - I put a thank-you note to a person who arrived and everything is beginning to fall together. I believe on the way down that - when I wake. I believe under there there's a place I am to put smaller items. If I just write everything down - can't get - I had little miracles. You have to get the clues from the words in the writing. In the ambulance on the way down I was looking all around.

Me: Ok, um, I just have one more question.

Client: I got another hug.

Me: Er, I need to ask you if you feel like you want to hurt yourself or anyone else...

Client: The rest is involved in some hugs - in the writing. Secrets, and clues and clues and hints, but we have to be careful I have to nudge.

Me: Ok, I'll let write what you need to now ok.

Client: I need the privacy. Bless you. Bless you. The star is moving and I know it's her that is in there.

Yeah, then I had to make some sense of what all that meant - aside from being in a psychotic state. I love my job.

Another crazy weekend.

While it has been Monday for the rest of the world, today was my Sunday. Lots of running around and appointments to take care of. Had to arrange with K about getting to them because of the one car situation, and that meant a lot of waiting around and me getting cranky. Unfortunately I let it get to me more than I would have liked. And, well, I was being an pissant. The little details do keep me in line and on time mostly, but perhaps I was spending an inordinate amount of energy on them. It's just that up until a couple of weeks ago when the car was totaled, I did my thing and she did her thing during the day. And now, neither one of us can do our things without the other being abreast of the situation so we don't double book ourselves. We can make this one car thing work out, but it is taking a long time to get used to. In the meantime, if the universe wants to grant us with another car, well, we are open to receiving it!!! And, no, no, we certainly do not need, or for that matter even want a Ferrari, but a nice reliable vehicle would be nice!

So anyway, while we were in town we had a spat over nothing really. We've both been a little touchy. Well, we pulled up our bootstraps and went to window shop while waiting for the next appointment. Then K got this gleam in her eye, took my hand, and escorted me to get a spur of the moment massage! Oh! How I needed that!! This girl is a keeper. I have been quite content since then.

I'm doing better now :)

Yesterday was another rough day, but I continued my strike in the evening and did absolutely nothing until this morning. My back was twitchy yesterday on top of my unfortunate mood, so when I got home I laid down and read, then napped, got up and had crackers and cheese for dinner while watching Law and Order SVU. Crime shows often make me feel better.

This morning I got up and went to the gym. Took it easy so I wouldn't do any disservice to the back. I was still a bit on the cranky side when I arrived, but by the time I left I was doing better. I got two loads of laundry done before work and the dishes put away. I think part of why I was feeling so off the last couple of days was that the house was in a bit of a shambles. K put together a new wardrobe - which is FANTASTIC, but the room that it's in was out of commission and that is the same room where we have to hang the laundry up to dry.

Anyways, while I might be up to my eyeballs in laundry for the next couple of days, I things appear to be looking up.

Frazzled.

I woke up this morning feeling the same way I did when I got home from work Saturday afternoon. Overwhelmed, overworked, and just frazzled. I'm sure the neigbhors music blaring through the ceiling did not help. I went up and told them to please not play that stuff before 9am - ever. She looked shocked that I could hear it. And then she gave me some excuse that there were salespeople knocking on her door and that is why she turned it up - so that they would go away. Um. Likely story. We've never had sales people at our door, much less at 7am. So I came back down, fed the cats (they were very grateful. I love my cats), and just as I'm getting my morning cup of coffee the phone rings - now remember this is still before 8 in the morning. Could I please work the 3-11 shift as they had two call-outs today? What!?! After last week!!! Well thankfully I am getting my eyes dialated this afternoon. I've never been so happy to have my eyes dialated. It is a terribly unpleasant experience. I told him - my boss that is - that I wouldn't be available until at least 8pm because of the dialation and some other appointments. We are going to buy my dress -very exciting. And very important. I also told him that last week really did me in (he was out for the last half of the week) and that it would be really good if he could find some other way to go about covering the shift. He said he would try, but that even 8 to 11 would be helpful if he couldn't. Damn, but I wish they would hire another full time staff.

Ok, I'm in the process of gaining perspective. I have taken a shower. That helps. I talked to a friend. That helps a lot! And she's probably coming over for her lunch break (Yay!!!) I will go meditate now, and perhaps clean up a touch before she comes over.

Some days I just don't want to go back

To work, that is.

I'm feelin somewhat better now, but earlier today I was feeling like I wanted to throw in the towel completely. I don't even know where to begin. The evals I did this week were just brutal. Not all of them were tragic in the usual kind of way - suicidal people, etc., but I just couldn't leave them at work. Aie! I was dreaming about them! It seemed like they were following me home, 'cuz I just couldn't shake 'em. Breifly. And very briefly because I do need to let this stuff go for the weekend: 4 evals with situations that I couldn't help as much as I felt like I needed to because of bureaucracy within the system, or just not enough resources and funding, 2 of these evals got dragged over a matter of days because I really wanted to help and was looking for alternative ways to do it, and then as if that wasn't enough this morning I got a call from a woman who had already overdosed. You know, just calling to let me know that she'd taken a lethal dose and what was I going to do about it. Hmph. I guess I can usually take calls like that without getting too frazzled, but this just put me over. My usual calm and collected self that I maintain with suicidal clients went out the door. I'm sure I sounded like a crazy woman myself when I was on the line with the police and the ambulance.

I did manage to keep it together pretty much for the rest of the shift, but when I got home I collapsed on the bed and did not move for about an hour. K brought me a Blueberry beer. I cuddled with the cats. I called my mom and dad. We spent the rest of the night at Home Depot getting together some shelving for a project K is working on and went out to dinner. I feel better now. So I'll probably go back. Ok, so I know I'll go back. I've come a long way on this road and I'll just keep on truckin along.


And I'm sure that I'll feel even better after this weekend!

Zzzzzz.

Boy do I have stories to tell! But not tonight. I've just gotten off of an unplanned 12 hour shift. Lots of stories indeed. I need to sleep now. Am supposed to go to the gym at 6:30am. Hmm. Well, I'll do my best. And I WILL get off on time tomorrow. Planning on taking my girl out to a restaurant she's been wanting to check out for the anniversary.

Be well.

Goodnight.

And then there's what I actually did...

Right then, so the day was productive, but I did not even start the taxes. Instead I did this:

1. Blogged, surfed, and chatted for a goodly amount of time over coffee and then a cup of tea. I suppose I do deserve to laze about on my day off for at least some of the time.
2. Washed K's coat. It was still in the laundry since the airbag incident and she is refusing to wear it - instead opting for a Spring jacket - even though it's barely ZERO outside.
3. Tidied the living and dining rooms. Certainly can't organize my finances unless my surroundings are organized.
4. K came home for lunch - Yeah! Chatted and had a bite.
5. Hung up K's coat and put in new load of laundry. I've got to do something that I said I would today!
6. Cleaned up the kitchen. Who can do anything before you can see the counter!
7. Organized desk. Again, how can I possibly know what bills to pay unless I'm organized.
8. Balanced checkbook. I need to know how much I can pay to who.
9. Paid bills.
10. Called Wells Fargo to change address.
11. Called Verizon to find out that they still don't have my account straightened out to before-move status.
12. Reformatted bill paying chart. Um, don't ask. It just makes me feel better.
13. Hung up laundry to dry.
14. Laid down to rest my achin' back and read an Alice Walker short story.
15. K returned from work: snuggle, chat, discuss dinner options, eat bread and cheese, took nap.
16. Made potato Leek Soup and just ate a bowl of it while watching "Medium".
17. Now I'm off to pack up the rest of the soup for lunches and then to bed :)

Here I am. Woke up and had breakfast with K, but then she went off to work and my normally very busy and hectic Monday day off finds me sitting here alone. I will get used to this, but I am not used to it yet. One car means that I need to make the usual appointments and shopping for chores that I do on Mondays at other times when the car is available, ie. before work, after work, and usually with K. I always knew I was a very independently minded person, but WoW! I am *really* disliking having to depend on K for getting me to work on time and having to coordinate our schedules so that I can go to appointment or just do mindless stuff. Sometimes very important mindless stuff, mind you, like shopping for our anniversary, which happens to be this Friday. Usually I would just take myself out shopping with some vague ideas of what I want to get for her and end up finding something. But now I really have to put some thought into it. First, I need to know exactly what I want to get her, then I need to know where to get it, and finally, I need to be able to arrange to go and pick it up - without her - without causing suspicion. Eeeek. Think. Think. Think.Eventually, I will learn to enjoy this time home alone. It will allow me to do some of the things around the house that I never seem to have time to do (bills, small repairs, organize file cabinet, plan wedding, paint, etc, etc, etc). I will now go and assess the situation...

Ok. Things to do today:

1. Wash a load of laundry.
2. Pay bills.
3. Clean up random glasses and mess from housewarming yesterday.
4. Hang load of laundry to dry.
5. Wash another load of laundry.
6. Wash dishes.
7. Wipe down counter and stove.
8. Clean litter box *uhg*
9. Spontaneously manifest a clothes dryer in our basement.
10. Ok, fine, hang laundry to dry.
11. Motivate myself to do pilates.
12. Do pilates.
13. Take a much needed shower.
14. Call various hotels to see about reserving a block for wedding.
15. Fix a cup of tea and wait for my honey to come home while reading another short story by Alice Walker.

Or I could:

1. Pay bills.
2. Do Taxes.
3. Continue doing taxes.
4. Keep trying to figure out damn taxes.
5. Vent to K when she gets home about those Godforsaken taxes.
6. Go to the gym with K and work off frustration.
7. Come home and finish taxes.

Well. The bills and taxes do need to be done. But, wouldn't it be nice to get all that other stuff done...

The Murder of Crows

So I'm getting off work the other night just as dusk was setting. I parked in the lot across the street so I had a bit of a stroll to get to the car. Now, I must tell you, there is this phenomenon that happens where I work: At dusk about 500 to 1200 crows swarm over the building where I work. The entire sky becomes dotted their swooping back and forth. Now, normally I am awed by this freakish happening, but as I was walking across the open parking lot, I noted the insane number of crows circling above me and became somewhat alarmed (understatement). My first reaction was still, wow, but that was quickly followed by, ut oh!

The sheer panic that I felt as my ears tuned into the very distinct SPLAT!...SPLAT!...SPLAT! splat! SPLAT! splatSPLat!splAT! AAAAAGH!!! Ok, just what do you do when you are targeted to be bird-bombed by 500+ crows!!! Which way does one go!!!?!?! What do you do?!?!?! Run? Dance? Freeze? I couldn't exactly duck for cover in an open parking lot! I held my breath (as if that would do any good) and ran to the car with my shoulders up by my ears - you know just in case one got me, then at least I wouldn't have to feel it in my ear!!

Somehow I made it through without being unpleasantly splattered, but the car I'm borrowing for the week was not so lucky. It has been riddled with brightly colored bird bullets. I think it will live. But if it dies in my care, I will blame the murder of crows. You know that's what they call it - not a flock, not a gaggle, but a murder.

I saw a post on a message board, by thenostromo, that also cited James Lipton's "An Exaltation of Larks" as devoted to the numerous appellations for a grouping of animals, many of which originated as hunters' terms and have been in the language for centuries. Here's a gleaning from his book:
A covey of partridges
A murder of crows
A rafter of turkeys
A brood of hens
A fall of woodcocks
A dule of doves
A wedge of swans
A party of jays
A company of parrots
A colony of penguins
A cover of coots
A sord of mallards
A dissimulation of birds
A peep of chickens
A pitying of turtledoves
A paddling of ducks [on the water]
A siege of herons
A charm of finches
A skein of geese [in flight]
A tidings of magpies
A cast of hawks
A deceit of lapwings
An ostentation of peacocks
A bouquet of pheasants
A congregation of plovers
An unkindness of ravens
A building of rooks
A host of sparrows
A descent of woodpeckers
A mustering of storks
A flight of swallows
A watch of nightingales
A murmuration of starlings
A spring of teal
A parliament of owls
An exaltation of larks

Oh tired tired tired.

Almost to bed, but a quick note before I go. After the whole dillema of how we are getting the invites, etc. out, we are making them ourselves afterall. The high prices I had figured out for making them were based on some very expensive paper we had found. We - well, K - ended up finding a much better deal, so she bought all of the supplies we would need yesterday. I was still cringing today because I didn't think it would really save us that much money and we are rather short on time these days. But after breaking through our little miscommunication K let me in on the secret that everything she bought only cost $25!!! That is great! Her parents let us use their very nice printer, and we were able to borrow a paper cutter, so really it is a much better deal to go the way we are now. And guess what - I think I'm going to like them a lot! I get to have my eyelets/rivets/gromits or whatever you want to call them and she gets to have her velum. We compromised and took some new pictures, so we are both more pleased than we were with the original one. They will look good. I will go to sleep now because I have plenty of gromit pounding to do tomorrow.