Give me strength.

How will I give this child up when the time comes? Every day we are growing more attached. I've been doing a pretty good job of living in the here and now and only focusing on what she needs right now, which is a loving home with loving parents where she knows she's cared about, but today I couldn't help but think about her growing up and wondering what will become of her. I want as much control over that as possible. I want her to have the loving home she deserves - that any child deserves. I want her to grow up knowing she is strong and can accomplish just what she puts her mind to. I want to know that she will learn values and morals that will teach respect for everyone. But all we can do is give her as much of all of this as we can right now, because we don't know if we'll have her next week, or next month, or next year. Sure, sure, it looks plausible that she'll be with us for at least the next 6 months, but the 1st hearing is next Wednesday, and if the judge, for whatever reason, sides with the parents, she could be removed from us. And then we have our life back - with a great big hole it in where Peanut was. I think that would be the worst case scenario for all - her parents aren't ready to take her back, and if she gets put in a different foster home then that is just bad for her. Or we could have her for the next 6 months, her parent could get their act together, and she could live the life that she was perhaps meant to live. I suppose that would be the best case scenario. And then of course there is the scenario that I am not willing to spent to much time thinking about. The one where she becomes legally free for adoption. Do we want to take that step? Could we not take that step? Aie! She is sleeping peacefully in the other room. We are all finally beginning to feel better. I just checked in on her and she was sleeping in the oddest little position with one leg crossed over the other, but above the knee. All she needed was a piece of straw sticking out of her mouth and she'd a looked like a lazy cowgirl.

And we thought she couldn't count.

Tonight at the dinner table, I said, "I'm done."

And Peanut said, "Done!", and pushed her plate away.

So I said back to her, "Are you done, too?"

And she said pointed to me, and said, "You done?"
Then pointed to herself and said, "I done two?"
And finally pointed to K and said, " Mommy done three?"

Cuteness gone rampant

Even though I can barely breathe or hear through this cold of mine, I've got to say that Peanut is the cutest thing this side of the Mississippi. All I wanted to do when I got home was crawl directly into bed, but K and Peanut came home shortly after I did and went out to the car to help bring in the child and all associated gear. Peanut saw me and greeted me with bouncing glee, so I scoop her up and K got the gear. The cute part comes when we enter the house and she says, equally gleefully, "Oh, light on!" and then she saw a pillow, and squeels with delight, "Oh, pillow!" and wiggles down to hug the pillow with her whole self. I just don't get how she can be so gosh darn happy and cute when she's just as sick as we are, but she is and that almost makes getting this sick worth it. Story time now, and then bed.

Alright, alright, alright!

Now for the update on my newly found momdom. Because Peanut is a foster child, I can't give her real name here, or unfortunately post a picture, but lemme just tell ya, she is as cute as a bug in a rug. And a huge ball of energy. From the moment she gets up she goes. And she just keeps on going all the way until we put her down. And then she sometimes even keeps going. She's like the Energizer bunny! Thankfully until this weekend she was sleeping through the night. I'm hoping that trend will reinstate itself when she starts feeling better, and I hope she starts feeling better soon. And can we not have her bring another germy bug home from daycare?! All three of us have sore throats, congestion, fevers, and coughs. She also has what another blog-mom has coined "assplosions". I'll leave the details of that up to your imagination. Right now I'm getting a couple extra hours in at my old job while K and Peanut are at home - hopefully both sleeping and getting well. I will soon go home and sleep again, ah, blissfull sleep...

Mama

That would be me. Our happy bliss of newlyweddom has been bombarded by our newly aquired 2-year-old foster daughter. Wow. That's really all I have energy to post right now. Just wow.