Beginnings and Endings

Today is our 1st wedding anniversary. It has been a fantastic year. So full we can hardly believe it and the beginnings of so many new things in the works. We brought out that top layer of our cake and shared it with K's fam. It was just as good as we remembered it. Even so today is bittersweet and neither of us feel much like celebrating. We will postpone the actual glory of being married for a year in a couple weeks. Peanut is leaving in less than 48 hours and we need to let it wear off. We are both brittle. Neither of us can bear to begin packing her things up. We are both taking the day off on Wednesday so we can be a family for the last time while we get her all set for the 2pm drop-off. She has begun to whimper and cry much more in the past couple of days. Especially when we leave people's houses. I think she really knows, and feels, that she is potentially seeing these people who have been huge supports to us as a family for the last time. They are hugging her just a bit longer than they usually do. She has been having tummy aches in the morning. She and I snuggle on the couch with lots of blankets, with a big bowl by us just in case, and watching the 1st movie of Harry Potter over and over. I wish she felt better. I wish her tummy wasn't in knots. But I have to admit, I will always remember her snuggling in, looking up and saying, just because, "Mama, I love you." In so many ways, whether she is conscious of it or not, she is putting our prior conversations together to understand that this is really good-bye.

Her father has said he wants to keep in contact with us. We would like that and hope that he does. He will have my e-mail address and I'm getting a P.O. Box so we can write back and forth. Hopefully he really does want to keep in contact.