Some days I just don't want to go back

To work, that is.

I'm feelin somewhat better now, but earlier today I was feeling like I wanted to throw in the towel completely. I don't even know where to begin. The evals I did this week were just brutal. Not all of them were tragic in the usual kind of way - suicidal people, etc., but I just couldn't leave them at work. Aie! I was dreaming about them! It seemed like they were following me home, 'cuz I just couldn't shake 'em. Breifly. And very briefly because I do need to let this stuff go for the weekend: 4 evals with situations that I couldn't help as much as I felt like I needed to because of bureaucracy within the system, or just not enough resources and funding, 2 of these evals got dragged over a matter of days because I really wanted to help and was looking for alternative ways to do it, and then as if that wasn't enough this morning I got a call from a woman who had already overdosed. You know, just calling to let me know that she'd taken a lethal dose and what was I going to do about it. Hmph. I guess I can usually take calls like that without getting too frazzled, but this just put me over. My usual calm and collected self that I maintain with suicidal clients went out the door. I'm sure I sounded like a crazy woman myself when I was on the line with the police and the ambulance.

I did manage to keep it together pretty much for the rest of the shift, but when I got home I collapsed on the bed and did not move for about an hour. K brought me a Blueberry beer. I cuddled with the cats. I called my mom and dad. We spent the rest of the night at Home Depot getting together some shelving for a project K is working on and went out to dinner. I feel better now. So I'll probably go back. Ok, so I know I'll go back. I've come a long way on this road and I'll just keep on truckin along.


And I'm sure that I'll feel even better after this weekend!