Taxes? DONE.

I have spent the last 8 hours falling for the H&R Blockhead sceme again. They suckered me out of $60. Again. I swore I would not fall prey last year and ended up paper-filing. Oh, how the memory is lacking as I grow older. By the time I figured out that I'd fallen prey again I had already sunk about 6 hours into it and didn't have the heart to start over with a *truly* free e-filing service.

Just an average day at work...

As I introduce myself to the client she responds to my hello like this:

Client: By looking around I can see in the ceiling tiles - are giving me hints - little tiny hints, they are all over, there are messages that need to be transmitted (at this point the client grabs her ear, rocks back and forth, and squints her eyes as she apparently tries to listen to the messages being transmitted).

Me: Um, ma'am, how are you feeling today?

Client: Well, I think that Beijing, China is too far to call - it's a secret. I made an error yesterday morning - violated a few secrets - God bless you. God bless everybody. The messages will get transmitted - just trust and with privacy.

Me: Er... Ma'am, do you know why you're here today?

Client: By looking around maybe I can sneak you something that I learned many years before, but privacy is needed. I need to write a necessary clue. They are all over if we just try hard enough. He puts vegetables in his pockets. I'm trained to pass a quiet wink to you - the person who I offended - years ago, I need to gradually get to the point.

Me: Right, of why you are here. Or is there another point?

Client: The greatest thing I ever did was make my second step toward - I need to thank God - Give thanks to a baby, and it's in God's control if my best writing has always been - it may require some privacy - I put a thank-you note to a person who arrived and everything is beginning to fall together. I believe on the way down that - when I wake. I believe under there there's a place I am to put smaller items. If I just write everything down - can't get - I had little miracles. You have to get the clues from the words in the writing. In the ambulance on the way down I was looking all around.

Me: Ok, um, I just have one more question.

Client: I got another hug.

Me: Er, I need to ask you if you feel like you want to hurt yourself or anyone else...

Client: The rest is involved in some hugs - in the writing. Secrets, and clues and clues and hints, but we have to be careful I have to nudge.

Me: Ok, I'll let write what you need to now ok.

Client: I need the privacy. Bless you. Bless you. The star is moving and I know it's her that is in there.

Yeah, then I had to make some sense of what all that meant - aside from being in a psychotic state. I love my job.

Another crazy weekend.

While it has been Monday for the rest of the world, today was my Sunday. Lots of running around and appointments to take care of. Had to arrange with K about getting to them because of the one car situation, and that meant a lot of waiting around and me getting cranky. Unfortunately I let it get to me more than I would have liked. And, well, I was being an pissant. The little details do keep me in line and on time mostly, but perhaps I was spending an inordinate amount of energy on them. It's just that up until a couple of weeks ago when the car was totaled, I did my thing and she did her thing during the day. And now, neither one of us can do our things without the other being abreast of the situation so we don't double book ourselves. We can make this one car thing work out, but it is taking a long time to get used to. In the meantime, if the universe wants to grant us with another car, well, we are open to receiving it!!! And, no, no, we certainly do not need, or for that matter even want a Ferrari, but a nice reliable vehicle would be nice!

So anyway, while we were in town we had a spat over nothing really. We've both been a little touchy. Well, we pulled up our bootstraps and went to window shop while waiting for the next appointment. Then K got this gleam in her eye, took my hand, and escorted me to get a spur of the moment massage! Oh! How I needed that!! This girl is a keeper. I have been quite content since then.

I'm doing better now :)

Yesterday was another rough day, but I continued my strike in the evening and did absolutely nothing until this morning. My back was twitchy yesterday on top of my unfortunate mood, so when I got home I laid down and read, then napped, got up and had crackers and cheese for dinner while watching Law and Order SVU. Crime shows often make me feel better.

This morning I got up and went to the gym. Took it easy so I wouldn't do any disservice to the back. I was still a bit on the cranky side when I arrived, but by the time I left I was doing better. I got two loads of laundry done before work and the dishes put away. I think part of why I was feeling so off the last couple of days was that the house was in a bit of a shambles. K put together a new wardrobe - which is FANTASTIC, but the room that it's in was out of commission and that is the same room where we have to hang the laundry up to dry.

Anyways, while I might be up to my eyeballs in laundry for the next couple of days, I things appear to be looking up.

Frazzled.

I woke up this morning feeling the same way I did when I got home from work Saturday afternoon. Overwhelmed, overworked, and just frazzled. I'm sure the neigbhors music blaring through the ceiling did not help. I went up and told them to please not play that stuff before 9am - ever. She looked shocked that I could hear it. And then she gave me some excuse that there were salespeople knocking on her door and that is why she turned it up - so that they would go away. Um. Likely story. We've never had sales people at our door, much less at 7am. So I came back down, fed the cats (they were very grateful. I love my cats), and just as I'm getting my morning cup of coffee the phone rings - now remember this is still before 8 in the morning. Could I please work the 3-11 shift as they had two call-outs today? What!?! After last week!!! Well thankfully I am getting my eyes dialated this afternoon. I've never been so happy to have my eyes dialated. It is a terribly unpleasant experience. I told him - my boss that is - that I wouldn't be available until at least 8pm because of the dialation and some other appointments. We are going to buy my dress -very exciting. And very important. I also told him that last week really did me in (he was out for the last half of the week) and that it would be really good if he could find some other way to go about covering the shift. He said he would try, but that even 8 to 11 would be helpful if he couldn't. Damn, but I wish they would hire another full time staff.

Ok, I'm in the process of gaining perspective. I have taken a shower. That helps. I talked to a friend. That helps a lot! And she's probably coming over for her lunch break (Yay!!!) I will go meditate now, and perhaps clean up a touch before she comes over.

Some days I just don't want to go back

To work, that is.

I'm feelin somewhat better now, but earlier today I was feeling like I wanted to throw in the towel completely. I don't even know where to begin. The evals I did this week were just brutal. Not all of them were tragic in the usual kind of way - suicidal people, etc., but I just couldn't leave them at work. Aie! I was dreaming about them! It seemed like they were following me home, 'cuz I just couldn't shake 'em. Breifly. And very briefly because I do need to let this stuff go for the weekend: 4 evals with situations that I couldn't help as much as I felt like I needed to because of bureaucracy within the system, or just not enough resources and funding, 2 of these evals got dragged over a matter of days because I really wanted to help and was looking for alternative ways to do it, and then as if that wasn't enough this morning I got a call from a woman who had already overdosed. You know, just calling to let me know that she'd taken a lethal dose and what was I going to do about it. Hmph. I guess I can usually take calls like that without getting too frazzled, but this just put me over. My usual calm and collected self that I maintain with suicidal clients went out the door. I'm sure I sounded like a crazy woman myself when I was on the line with the police and the ambulance.

I did manage to keep it together pretty much for the rest of the shift, but when I got home I collapsed on the bed and did not move for about an hour. K brought me a Blueberry beer. I cuddled with the cats. I called my mom and dad. We spent the rest of the night at Home Depot getting together some shelving for a project K is working on and went out to dinner. I feel better now. So I'll probably go back. Ok, so I know I'll go back. I've come a long way on this road and I'll just keep on truckin along.


And I'm sure that I'll feel even better after this weekend!

Zzzzzz.

Boy do I have stories to tell! But not tonight. I've just gotten off of an unplanned 12 hour shift. Lots of stories indeed. I need to sleep now. Am supposed to go to the gym at 6:30am. Hmm. Well, I'll do my best. And I WILL get off on time tomorrow. Planning on taking my girl out to a restaurant she's been wanting to check out for the anniversary.

Be well.

Goodnight.